blueshit | Inbox for Reparacija

[ Jesse winces again, then nods. He can't imagine what it's like, not really. But he can guess, close enough. Anything to avoid that initial stab of pain, right?

He takes another drag, holding it and breathing out slow before he glances at Carver. For a moment, he's unsure. Is this a trick question? With Carver, it can be hard to tell.

But there's really no point in telling anything but the truth, is there? Jesse shrugs, arranging himself a little more comfortably on the bed. ]

You needed help, right?

[ Which is part of it. Partly, he'd just been glad Carver had been willing to talk to him again at all, after last time. He'd been eager to make it up to him if he could, even if getting caught in the rain like that hadn't been anyone's fault. ]

Besides. [ He grins, trying to play it off a little. ] Why would I pass up the chance to get high?

[ Of course, he'd said yes far before Carver's "altered mood" kink had been brought up...but maybe Carver won't remember that. Or won't point that little fact out, if he does. ]

[ Carver eyes him but doesn't argue the point. Could've gotten high with anyone around here, all of them better company. But instead Jesse's here, in Carver's space, and they're getting high like this is a normal thing to do. Like Carver hasn't acted like a freak nearly every time they collide. ]

People don't help each other back home, [ he says finally. And that's probably a sign the weed's kicking in because you don't say that shit, you don't. ] Not unless they're family. It's always a trick in the end.

[ Carver's unpredictable, yeah. Difficult, more often than not. But Jesse's known too many freaks to call him one.

Besides, he likes Carver. Maybe even he couldn't really say why, but it's true. It's a little victory every time he smiles, every time he even relaxes a little, and more and more Jesse finds himself craving his approval, or at least his acceptance. Eager for Carver not to hate him.

He's silent for a moment, thinking about that. Family, helping each other? Not in Jesse's experience. What little help or support he'd ever had in his life he'd always had to find elsewhere. ]

Your family's not here, yo. Who else you gonna trust?

[ He speaks carefully, watching Carver like a hawk. Hoping that the weed's mellowed him enough that he won't snap.

He'd asked Jesse for help. Agreed to this. That has to mean something, right? ]

I ain't gonna trick you, man.

[ That just gets a shrug. Carver takes another drag, watching Jesse, and then exhales. ]

You will by the end. It's not personal.

[ He shrugs again. He watches the smoke. ]

But I'm faster than you, even when I'm high. So if you get the drop on me, that's my own fault.

[ It's not personal, he says... but it feels kind of personal, and Jesse has to shove back a sudden stab of hurt. What's he ever done to Carver to make him not trust him like that?

It's not him, though. He knows that. And he's still young and impulsive enough to rise to the bait. One eyebrow shoots up, and he scoffs, eyeing Carver. ]

I can be pretty fast, yo.

[ Carver snorts, giving Jesse a look. But not a sharp one, in the end. Apparently the weed's kicking in, softening the edges a bit. Slowing things down. ]

Uh huh. Sure you can.

I can.

[ And maybe the drugs are working on Jesse, too. Making him a little restless, a little less careful than usual. Whatever it is, he stares up at Carver for a moment, eyes wide and blue... and then he moves, one hand shooting for Carver's waist. He's not trying to attack him, or even restrain him. Just...surprise him, maybe? Just prove to him that yeah, he can be fast too.

It's probably a terrible idea. But it's far from the first Jesse's ever had]

[ Considering the conversation, and the way Jesse's eyeing him, it's not exactly a surprise. Carver takes another long drag and then sets the blunt aside, and that's when Jesse just grabs for him.

Carver snaps out a hand, grabbing for Jesse's wrist. He doesn't try to hurt him, not really. That's not the point. Instead, he just hefts it, and gives Jesse a curious look. ]

What was that, huh?

Nothin'.

[ But Carver hadn't been lying - he is fast, even high. And now he's got Jesse's wrist clasped in his hand - not tight enough to hurt, but firm and unyielding. He tests it a little, wriggling in Carver's grip, and quickly gives up.

He keeps his eyes fixed on Carver's the whole time. ]

Just seeing how fast you really are.

[ He’s wearing gloves — an old, familiar habit. It’s easier to keep them on unless he’s eating or doing something that requires truly fine motor control. You have to protect your hands. If his hands get fucked up, he can’t shoot, can’t fight. And then what use would he be to anyone? But there’s a moment where he wonders what it’d feel like if he didn’t right now, if he’d be able to feel Jesse’s pulse against his fingers.

Carver cants his head, watching Jesse. He doesn’t try to hurt him, but he doesn’t let go, either. ]

I don’t want to fight right now.

Me neither.

[ He doesn't ever, not really. Not with Carver, and especially not right now.

But Carver's still holding his wrist, still maintaining eye contact, and Jesse feels his heartbeat and his breathing both speed up, just a little. He swallows hard. ]

Hey...

[ His voice is soft, and he pokes the tip of his tongue out, running it over the seam of his lips. ]

Your sentence... it ain't just about getting high, y'know.

[ "Altered mood," sure. But they're not supposed to stop there. ]

[ Carver tips his head back, watching Jesse for a long moment. The cut of his jaw, the way his throat bobs when he swallows. How goddamn blue his eyes are. And how he doesn't pull his wrist out of Carver's grip. Doesn't even try.

Funny, that. ]

You know what you want?

[ HIs voice is soft. He squeezes Jesse's wrist briefly. ]

Hmm?

Yeah.

[ He hadn't really wanted anything, when he'd agreed to this. It had been a favor, more than anything. Honestly, he would have agreed to just about anything, just to regain and stay in Carver's good graces.

But now? With Carver's hand solid and warm around his wrist, his eyes dark and intense as he watches Jesse?

Yeah, now he wants. Now he knows.

He leans in - it doesn't take much - and presses his lips to Carver's own. Gentle, at first. Testing, seeing how he reacts. ]

[ It’s slow. Not fearful, but careful, and that throws him more than it ought to. There’s a moment where Carver doesn’t move, and barely breathes. He could stand up and kick Jesse ought, be done with this. It wouldn’t mean anything at all.

Instead, he squeezes Jesse’s wrist and shifts to catch Jesse’s chin in his hand and kiss him back. Why not?

Why the fuck not? ]

[ Why not? This is really what he'd come here to do, in the end, isn't it? But even so, Jesse's wary of going too fast. He shifts away enough to set down his own blunt, then turns to face Carver, tilting his head up and deepening the kiss.

Just a little, at first. Sometimes it's nice to go slow, especially when he's high. And especiallywith someone like Carver, who's so tense and on edge so much of the time. Like he's always one push away from snapping in half. This doesn't have to be like that.

Jesse makes a little noise against Carver's mouth, coaxing it open with his tongue, leaning the taste and the feel of him. ]

[ Funny thing is, this part comes back easy. It's been a long time since Carver's done this, or wanted to. Not without the drugs that fuck everybody up so they can't think, can't choose, can only react. But this was a choice at the start, and he likes the noise Jesse makes. How he presses closer and deepens the kiss.

It's soft, at first. Nothing biting. How long has it been since he's done this, since he's wanted to?

Years. A lifetime, maybe.

Carver draws back for a moment, watching Jesse. Still cupping his chin. It feels like all the edges have been filed off and things are easy. He's not watching his corners. He's not even thinking about them. ]

Yeah?

[ It's easy. Good. None of the tension that's always there with Carver, not this time. The pot's taking care of that, mellowing them both out. And now Jesse just wants to touch, to feel.

He likes Carver's hand cupping his chin, the way he watches him. How careful and meticulous he is, without being shy. Jesse's breath catches when Carver pulls back to look at him, and he presses his lips together briefly, eyes wide and upturned. ]

Yeah.

[ Yeah. Definitely. ]

You want more?

[ Carver shifts so he can rub his thumb along Jesse's lip, tracing out the shape. Just to do it, just because he wants to. He likes how he can see the way Jesse's eyes change this close, how he reacts to things. This odd closeness of theirs. And then he nods because yeah, yeah he does. ]

C'mere.

[ Closer. ]

[ He hadn't known what to expect, when Carver had proposed marking off something from his sentence together. Not this. Not the way Carver traces out the shape of his lower lip with his thumb, just watching him. His mouth is suddenly dry.

Then Carver says c'mere and Jesse moves like he'd been waiting for permission, shifting closer on the bed and immediately tilting his head up to capture Carver's mouth in another kiss. His hand strays down to Carver's waist, ghosting over his shirt, and then inching down, fingers seeking a way under the hem. ]

[ Funny thing is, this doesn't feel like a chore anymore. It started out as something practical. He knows Jesse, in small ways, understands him enough to properly assess the threat he represents. Of all the people he's met in this place, Carver thinks Jesse's least likely to turn on him - yet, anyway. Everyone does in the end. So, why not? If he has to get credits, why not do it with Jesse?And maybe he thought about the time in the rain and how Jesse had looked there, staring up at him in the mud, maybe, maybe he did that. And now here they are. Jesse moves and Carver doesn't flinch, just angles his head to deepen the kiss and flexes his stomach as Jesse reaches for the hem of his shirt.

These things happen. They just happen. It's no one's fault.

He rests his hand on the side of Jesse's jaw, holding him steady, and then mirrors the gesture. Running his hand along Jesse's side and then over his stomach, seeing how he reacts. There was a time, once, when Carver knew how to make other people feel good. ]

[ Carver may still have his touch, judging from the noise Jesse makes when those fingers stroke over his stomach. It's barely anything at all, just a quiet sound, an even smaller shudder as Jesse arches forward towards the contact. His own hand finds its way under Carver's shirt, and he drags it along his skin, feeling the smoothness interrupted by scars, the rough edges.

Carver seems to be letting this happen - more than that, giving back as good as he's getting, and that's enough of a triumph in itself for Jesse to let out a sigh of contentment into Carver's mouth, relaxing a little more even as he pushes his tongue a little more insistently into Carver's mouth. ]

[ They’re making out like teenagers, Carver thinks distantly. The strange part is he doesn’t hate it. They’re just here, in proximity, and they aren’t hurting each other. That was the most he’d hoped for, really: something that at least didn’t cause pain. But this—

It’s good, Carver realizes, and hums a little as Jesse deepens the kiss. He likes the quiet noise that Jesse makes, the way it feels to touch him, and so Carver commits. He’s good at that part, at least. He commits to what he’s doing, and he runs his hands over Jesse’s sides and over the planes of his back and then down over his stomach again—and then lower, because they’ve already come this far, so why the fuck not? ]

[ He would've been horrified if he knew what Carver was thinking. Jesse never wants to hurt anybody, not if he can help it, and definitely not in bed. Not causing pain - physical or otherwise - is less than the bare minimum, as far as he's concerned.

But all Jesse knows is what he's feeling and how Carver's reacting, that quiet, approving hum followed by Carver running his hands over Jesse's torso, and then down to his lap. He's wearing his prison-issue yoga pants - he'd gotten his own clothes back on his one-month anniversary, but that's only one set, and when it comes to yoga pants or doing laundry, sometimes the yoga pants still win.

So when Carver's hand brushes over his crotch, Jesse feels it. He makes a strangled, suprised noise, but he's already raising his hips instinctively, pushing up in search of more contact. The making out is nice, and Jesse thinks he could do it for a while, but fuck, if Carver wants to escalate? Hell yeah.

He slides his hand up Carver's side under his shirt, the touch a little more firm and intentional now, and does the same on his other side, rucking up the hem of his shirt to find more skin. ]

[ He twitches, a little, but he doesn't flinch from the touch. They're beyond that now, Carver thinks, and exhales slow and steady. Jesse's hands are warm against his skin and Carver arches into it without a word. Jesse lifts his hips and that's just that, no point in hesitating. Carver hums a little, nudging his head against Jesse's, and rubs him over the yoga pants. ]

Yeah?

[ It comes out rough. He checks, but he doesn't stop. This is just happening. ]

[ The punched-out sound Jesse makes when Carver rubs a hand over him, and the way he's already growing noticably hard at the touch, should tell him all he needs to know. Jesse squirms impatiently, his hands dropping from Carver's sides to pull at his belt with sudden urgency. Forget the slow making out. He wants more and he wants it now. ]

Yeah.

[ His own voice is uncharacteristically hoarse. He swallows hard, finally yanking Carver's belt free and making quick work of his button and zipper so he can plunge a hand down inside, palming and squeezing Carver through his underwear. Only once he's got a hand on him does he think to glance up, his gaze searching Carver's face for approval, enjoyment - hopefully anything but anger. One eyebrow lifts in a silent question that doesn't stay silent for long. ]

You good?

[ Because as desperately as he suddenly needs this, he doesn't want to push Carver too far too fast. ]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject