[ The words flow out of his mouth so naturally. They don't even sound mad or anything either - more like a very gentle scolding done by a parent. And it actually is instinctive. Especially if Jesse looks at Daniel at all. Despite the fact that his eyes can't really convey the emotion well right now, the way Daniel's jaw drops and his mouth hangs open for a moment says enough about the fact that those words came out of his mouth before he even really thought about them.
Jesse isn't the only one struggling with something still lingering here, apparently. Daniel shifts in his seat, looking a touch more awkward before he adds a: ]
Sorry.
[ The last thing he wants to do is make Jesse more uncomfortable here, after all, just because Daniel can't suppress some lingering parental instinct. ]
I guess it's not-- not gone, huh? Everything that happened back there.
[ Language? Seriously? Jesse stares at him, astonished - but he can't quite keep himself from feeling a twinge of guilt at the same time. Like he'd let Daniel down, somehow.
They both look away at the same time, Jesse lowering his gaze to the table as Daniel shifts awkwardly. ]
Yeah.
[ No, it's not gone. There's another awkward moment of silence, before Jesse blurts out more, still staring down at the table. ]
[ At first Daniel feels like the other might not really add something to that 'yeah', especially considering the topic they're discussing, and what Jesse seems like.
The fact that he does offer more, does speak up again, is enough to actually make Daniel look over at the other again with some surprise in his eyes. He just stares for a moment, but not long enough for it to get truly uncomfortable before he's already speaking up again. ]
What parts of it weren't you?
[ Daniel could guess, but he doesn't want to assume.
Besides, maybe it's good for Jesse to actually talk about it. (It's another one of those instinctive parental thoughts, even if Daniel doesn't catch it as such this time around.) ]
.. well.. [ With just a tiny of something awkward, though Daniel does seem to mean what he's saying here: ] School isn't everything.
[ It's not the part Daniel is particularly concerned with, he means. So what if Jesse didn't do that great in school? It's not like Daniel went to college either.
But getting at the part he is concerned about feels a little awkward, closer to being likely to hit something more vulnerable. Yet ignoring it now would be like ignoring the elephant in the room - practically impossible. ]
Your relationship with your parents.. Was that different too?
[ School isn't everything? Just Jesse's reaction - eyebrows shooting up in surprise - gives so much away. School had absolutely been everything, as far as his real parents were concerned.
Speaking of. He glances away the moment Daniel asks the question, shocked and mortified to find tears springing to his eyes. For a moment he can't even speak past the lump in his throat, staring fiercely out into the distance. ]
[ He did kind of expect the answer, at least. The part that he didn't anticipate was the way Jesse's eyes get strangely glossy in a way he manages to spot even with the other looking away, like Jesse's about to cry.
The sight of it feels like it's squeezing Daniel's heart in the most painful way possible. ]
Jesse, I'm so sorry you had to be reminded of that because of what happened. That isn't fair to you at all. [ His voice dips into something so gentle, so sympathetic - as if it comes naturally to Daniel. Even if having a bad relationship with parents isn't something he himself can relate to, Daniel can't help but turn gentle at all times in the face of the pain of others.
Especially a guy who still feels like his kid in some strange way. ]
And I'm.. [ He slowly breathes in. ] I'm also sorry that your bond with your parents was rough. You deserve better than that.
[ Jesse jerks one shoulder up in a short, defensive shrug. Whatever. Who fucking cares, right? Fuck his parents anyway. He hasn't needed them for a long time.
But he can feel Daniel gazing at him from across the table, sorrowful and sympathetic. He can feel his own chest aching, tight with the urge to get up and throw his arms around Daniel. Bury himself in his chest, the way he used to when he was a kid.
No. That never happened. He was never Daniel's kid. He can't remember the last time he hugged his own dad. ]
It's okay.
[ His voice is wooden, the words forced. ]
It's whatever. I moved out a long time ago anyway. Don't really talk to 'em.
[ Please, Jesse. You can't pull the wooden words act with a guy who has two teenage kids, and is helping teach even more than that. If there's anything he'd recognize, it's a young person saying something they don't actually mean. The look Jesse had in his eyes a moment before really didn't help with that one either. ]
.. look.
[ Daniel exhales, like he's preparing himself to say something that he knows may get rebuked. Jesse's walls do seem rather high, after all.
But he feels like he has to say it now, or saying it later will only make things more awkward. And Jesse probably needs it. Hell, anyone would need it in a terrible place like this. ]
I know it probably sounds crazy, but I-- I still care about you. I mean that. Even though you're not actually my kid, and I'm not actually your dad.
[ Because of the lingering feelings that Daniel can't erase, but.. he feels like he would've felt this way even without that. When has his heart ever not bled for a young person who's having parental trouble? ]
So.. it doesn't have to mean anything. [ He's not going to claim to be Jesse's dad, he means. ] But if you're ever having trouble in this place, or you just really need someone to talk to, and you're not sure where to turn.. You can always call out to me, alright? I'll help you out when you need it. I just-- I just want you to know that.
[ Jesse keeps his eyes fixed on the table as Daniel speaks. He's no stranger to being expected to sit and listen as someone else tells him what's what. What he should do. What's best for him.
But the things Daniel says aren't like anything anyone else has ever told him. Just an offer of help, no strings attached. Unconditional support of the kind he'd never had from his own parents. Horrifyingly, he feels his eyes fill with tears again, and he has to look up and away fast.
He doesn't know if he actually believes what Daniel is saying. It's easy to make promises, after all. A lot harder to actually follow through on them when push comes to shove.
But just hearing it is more than he's ever been offered. He nods, a quick jerk of his head, still looking away. ]
[ Daniel feels himself holding in his breath without even necessarily meaning to - like he's that unsure of how the other might react to that, or like he's that worried about having turned Jesse away completely by saying all of that, no matter how much Daniel sincerely means it.
.. the reaction is better than expected though. Sure, it'd be easy to misunderstand it with the way Jesse looks away, but Daniel manages to catch a brief glimpse at his expression right before he turned away like that.
He's seen enough young people to know this isn't a bad reaction. Just.. an emotional one. And Jesse doesn't seem like the kind of person who deals with emotions like this easily.
So Daniel won't push it. He's glad for the other's acceptance of the help. That's all he needs. He feels a smile forming on his own face, picking his drink back up, trying to turn this a little more casual again before Jesse feels too embarrassed. ]
Thanks.
[ That's the only thing he says. More isn't needed - not right now.
Instead.. ]
And.. you know, maybe in return you can tell me about what places around here serve good food or something. [ Definitely a de-escalation attempt.. trying to pull this back down to something a little more casual.. It's okay, Jesse, you don't have to think too hard about how he just practically offered you free parental care!! ]
[ The out Daniel's offering is obvious, and Jesse knows he's seen right through him. But that doesn't stop him from being grateful, or from seizing onto that escape hatch to safer subjects with both hands.
It takes him a second, still, to collect himself, but he manages it, even looking back at Daniel with a small smile. ]
Yeah, sure.
Uh, you like, like, kebabs? There's this place a couple blocks from the boarding house. It's fuckin' - I mean, freaking amazing.
[ It's pretty much instinct, the correction. Not like Daniel has any authority to ground his ass the way his own dad had whenever Jesse had dared to drop an f-bomb back home. Not like he would, anyway. But still, it feels like the thing to do. The not-asshole thing.
He shrugs, like it's nothing, like he doesn't care, squashing the way his heart leaps a little in his chest at the thought. Daniel's not his dad, of course he's not. He doesn't want him to be. It's difficult to say what he does want, exactly, other than the promise of seeing him again. Hanging out with him. Myabe seeing Daniel beam at him, hear him say I'm proud of you.
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[ The words flow out of his mouth so naturally. They don't even sound mad or anything either - more like a very gentle scolding done by a parent. And it actually is instinctive. Especially if Jesse looks at Daniel at all. Despite the fact that his eyes can't really convey the emotion well right now, the way Daniel's jaw drops and his mouth hangs open for a moment says enough about the fact that those words came out of his mouth before he even really thought about them.
Jesse isn't the only one struggling with something still lingering here, apparently. Daniel shifts in his seat, looking a touch more awkward before he adds a: ]
Sorry.
[ The last thing he wants to do is make Jesse more uncomfortable here, after all, just because Daniel can't suppress some lingering parental instinct. ]
I guess it's not-- not gone, huh? Everything that happened back there.
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They both look away at the same time, Jesse lowering his gaze to the table as Daniel shifts awkwardly. ]
Yeah.
[ No, it's not gone. There's another awkward moment of silence, before Jesse blurts out more, still staring down at the table. ]
I'm not -
That wasn't - me. I wasn't like that.
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The fact that he does offer more, does speak up again, is enough to actually make Daniel look over at the other again with some surprise in his eyes. He just stares for a moment, but not long enough for it to get truly uncomfortable before he's already speaking up again. ]
What parts of it weren't you?
[ Daniel could guess, but he doesn't want to assume.
Besides, maybe it's good for Jesse to actually talk about it. (It's another one of those instinctive parental thoughts, even if Daniel doesn't catch it as such this time around.) ]
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[ Where's he even start? He's silent for a moment, finally shaking his head. ]
I never got no A in chemistry class. I didn't even pass. For one.
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[ It's not the part Daniel is particularly concerned with, he means. So what if Jesse didn't do that great in school? It's not like Daniel went to college either.
But getting at the part he is concerned about feels a little awkward, closer to being likely to hit something more vulnerable. Yet ignoring it now would be like ignoring the elephant in the room - practically impossible. ]
Your relationship with your parents.. Was that different too?
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Speaking of. He glances away the moment Daniel asks the question, shocked and mortified to find tears springing to his eyes. For a moment he can't even speak past the lump in his throat, staring fiercely out into the distance. ]
...Yeah.
[ Different. Yeah. That's one word for it. ]
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The sight of it feels like it's squeezing Daniel's heart in the most painful way possible. ]
Jesse, I'm so sorry you had to be reminded of that because of what happened. That isn't fair to you at all. [ His voice dips into something so gentle, so sympathetic - as if it comes naturally to Daniel. Even if having a bad relationship with parents isn't something he himself can relate to, Daniel can't help but turn gentle at all times in the face of the pain of others.
Especially a guy who still feels like his kid in some strange way. ]
And I'm.. [ He slowly breathes in. ] I'm also sorry that your bond with your parents was rough. You deserve better than that.
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But he can feel Daniel gazing at him from across the table, sorrowful and sympathetic. He can feel his own chest aching, tight with the urge to get up and throw his arms around Daniel. Bury himself in his chest, the way he used to when he was a kid.
No. That never happened. He was never Daniel's kid. He can't remember the last time he hugged his own dad. ]
It's okay.
[ His voice is wooden, the words forced. ]
It's whatever. I moved out a long time ago anyway. Don't really talk to 'em.
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.. look.
[ Daniel exhales, like he's preparing himself to say something that he knows may get rebuked. Jesse's walls do seem rather high, after all.
But he feels like he has to say it now, or saying it later will only make things more awkward. And Jesse probably needs it. Hell, anyone would need it in a terrible place like this. ]
I know it probably sounds crazy, but I-- I still care about you. I mean that. Even though you're not actually my kid, and I'm not actually your dad.
[ Because of the lingering feelings that Daniel can't erase, but.. he feels like he would've felt this way even without that. When has his heart ever not bled for a young person who's having parental trouble? ]
So.. it doesn't have to mean anything. [ He's not going to claim to be Jesse's dad, he means. ] But if you're ever having trouble in this place, or you just really need someone to talk to, and you're not sure where to turn.. You can always call out to me, alright? I'll help you out when you need it. I just-- I just want you to know that.
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But the things Daniel says aren't like anything anyone else has ever told him. Just an offer of help, no strings attached. Unconditional support of the kind he'd never had from his own parents. Horrifyingly, he feels his eyes fill with tears again, and he has to look up and away fast.
He doesn't know if he actually believes what Daniel is saying. It's easy to make promises, after all. A lot harder to actually follow through on them when push comes to shove.
But just hearing it is more than he's ever been offered. He nods, a quick jerk of his head, still looking away. ]
Yeah.
[ It's all he can manage to say. ]
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.. the reaction is better than expected though. Sure, it'd be easy to misunderstand it with the way Jesse looks away, but Daniel manages to catch a brief glimpse at his expression right before he turned away like that.
He's seen enough young people to know this isn't a bad reaction. Just.. an emotional one. And Jesse doesn't seem like the kind of person who deals with emotions like this easily.
So Daniel won't push it. He's glad for the other's acceptance of the help. That's all he needs. He feels a smile forming on his own face, picking his drink back up, trying to turn this a little more casual again before Jesse feels too embarrassed. ]
Thanks.
[ That's the only thing he says. More isn't needed - not right now.
Instead.. ]
And.. you know, maybe in return you can tell me about what places around here serve good food or something. [ Definitely a de-escalation attempt.. trying to pull this back down to something a little more casual.. It's okay, Jesse, you don't have to think too hard about how he just practically offered you free parental care!! ]
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It takes him a second, still, to collect himself, but he manages it, even looking back at Daniel with a small smile. ]
Yeah, sure.
Uh, you like, like, kebabs? There's this place a couple blocks from the boarding house. It's fuckin' - I mean, freaking amazing.
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[ His smile definitely widens a little when he hears Jesse correct his swear.
Such a good kid. Even though he's technically not a kid-- not anymore. But it's hard for Daniel to view him in any other way, even now. ]
Do you maybe want to go there together sometime? [ N-Not that it'd be a father-son activity..!!
(It would kind of be a father-son activity.) ]
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He shrugs, like it's nothing, like he doesn't care, squashing the way his heart leaps a little in his chest at the thought. Daniel's not his dad, of course he's not. He doesn't want him to be. It's difficult to say what he does want, exactly, other than the promise of seeing him again. Hanging out with him. Myabe seeing Daniel beam at him, hear him say I'm proud of you.
He manages to nod, somehow. Nonchalant. ]
Yeah, guess that'd be cool.