Inbox for Rubi

[blueshit]

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text; late on the 1st

[dadyl]

[ He's regained the capacity for thought but not for speech. He's been sitting for a long time, tucked in a back alley between ale crates, unable to make it even to the gates. The numbness that has descended on him is far better than the way he's been feeling since regaining consciousness in that... place.

He knows he'll probably die here again beside the recycling if he doesn't get up.

But he just can't. So he reaches for the only person he trusts. ]

It didn't work.

[blueshit]

✓ read 11:46 pm

just kidding (makes it even worse)

[blueshit]

[ Jesse doesn't actually leave Daryl on read. He's technically awake when the message comes through, but only because sleep has eluded him again, as it has more often than not the last few nights. He's actually not entirely sure what day it is, not that he'd ever gotten great at keeping track, here in this place with no calendar and no schedule (at least not for Jesse, still living in the boarding house and freeloading rather than finding a job).

He feels guilty. Sick with grief. Angry at Daryl for going off and getting himself killed, when he knew how dangerous it was. Confused about why he's feeling any of these things, and at a loss for what to do about any of it. He's heard that people don't stay dead here, that the Duchess, or someone, brings them back. But hearing it is one thing. For the long few days between when he'd found Felipe stumbling bloodied and broken out of the woods and the first of the month, all he knows is that Daryl's dead. And Jesse had been too chickenshit to even go into the woods and bring his body back. He hadn't even tried. He'd been too scared - both of what waited out there in the void, and what it would mean if he somehow actually managed to succeed. If he'd found Daryl's body, cold and lifeless, maybe mangled beyond recognition. What the fuck would he have even done with it?

So he'd stayed in the town, restless and unhappy, unable to concentrate on anything at all. His appetite had dwindled, something he'd never thought possible again. He'd taken whatever mind-altering substances he could get his hands on, and studiously avoided House. When Daryl's message comes through, he's only half-sober, gazing blankly at a wall. He blinks slowly, assuming, at first, that he's hallucinating. Probably not a good sign, but he's too stoned to care. ]

no shit

adkfjdkg

[dadyl]

✓ read 12:07 am

[ If Daryl was capable of feeling anything anymore, if he hadn't just spent an eon being knit back together from the inside out, screaming silently until his mind shredded, he might have laughed. Snorted, smiled even. It's all so insane. He was fucking dead and now he isn't, but more than that, he's stuck. Trapped. Worse than dead and he just can't move beyond that. The shadow of the things he'd done and what was done to him creep into every thought he starts to form so he just... doesn't think.

He shuts down, closes off, a bad habit he still reaches for when it's all too much, but this time it feels bottomless. Utterly. If his body can't die, all the other parts of him might still be able to. His mind just starts to go quiet because if he thinks, he remembers.

And there's far, far too much for him to remember. ]

[ludomania]

You didn't go there, did you?

[ the answer better be no. ]

[blueshit]

no

[ Because he's a coward. Not, unfortunately, because he'd actually made a conscious choice to take Felipe's advice. ]

it wouldnt have made a difference anyway right

[ Which doesn't actually make him feel any better about it. ]

[ludomania]

[ well, hearing that is a relief. ]

No.

I don't know how or what happened, but they're back. You knew?

[silverqueen]

[ she could use some meat between herself and the townies. ]

You are not leaving me alone in here, are you?

[blueshit]

[ ??? hey unfamiliar voice in his head ]

new phone who dis

[silverqueen]

You have forgotten about me?

text; after the return from the void

[dadyl]

Where are you? Are you okay?

[ He's been trying and trying, he can't even remember for how long now. That's the first message he somehow knows makes it through to Jesse. ]

[blueshit]

[ Jesse's latest high is wearing off. His head is killing him and shit, is he fucking sick of people bothering him. Hovering over him. Sure you need one more, bud? Why don't you go home and sleep it off? ]

fuck off

voice;

[miyagimagic]

[ There are so many things that are awkward about this. For one, the fact that Daniel still isn't really used to this odd, odd sort of telepathic communication, or whatever it is - but it's not like he can just wander all over town hoping to track down Jesse somehow. That feels even more unhinged.

Because the reason he's contacting the other at all feels awkward too. But at the same time, Daniel knows he can't not do it. Even if the other is technically a total stranger, there's still an odd feeling lingering inside of Daniel that he can't quite get rid of every time he thinks about Jesse, remembering the boy from the-- the dream, or whatever it had been.

He has to make sure he's okay. Even if Jesse clearly isn't actually his kid, there's some instinct in Daniel he can't fully ignore. He has to at least contact him. ]

Sorry. This is Daniel. Daniel from-- you know what.

[ How else is he supposed to describe it in a way that doesn't only feel more awkward. "Hi, I was your dad"?? ]

I know this must be really awkward, but-- can we talk?

text

[blueshit]

[ Maybe he should've expected this. He would have, if he'd thought about it for more than two seconds. If he hadn't immediately pushed that strange, impossible dream to the back of his mind and buried it. Jesse Pinkman, A student. Goody two shoes. Making dinner for his dad (who isn't his dad, who's nothing like his dad) and begging for a job so he could help out with the bills. Staying after school for study sessions with Mr. White, of all people.

Yeah fucking right.

The worst part, though, isn't how utterly alien the whole thing had been. The worst part is that he can remember how it had felt. To have a dad who was proud of him. To be someone he could be proud of. To be supported and accepted and loved.

He wants nothing more than to blow Daniel off, tell him to get lost. But he can't. He can't because Daniel would be disappointed, would be sad, and that - ]

hey

ok

[unorthodoc]

Haven't seen you around much lately. You get a new hobby?

[blueshit]

i moved out

[ And hadn't noticed that House had done the same. ]

yeah i thought id take up crochet

why

voice;

[miyagimagic]

[ Well, Daniel did say Jesse could come to him if he needed help. And he intended on sticking to that, not butting too much into the young man's business unless Jesse needed him first, but..

.. with the way the town has been so utterly wild this month, he can't help but worry. And the more things escalate, the more he can't help but think of Jesse. Despite how long it's been since that dream-like world they got stuck in together, it's like that moment lodged something into Daniel that he can't quite get out.

So-- ]

Hey, Jesse.

[ Don't mind the Dad Voice in your head, Jesse.. ]

I just-- I wanted to get in touch to see if you were doing okay. I know the town has been crazy this month, and I hope you didn't get caught up in it too much.

[blueshit]

hey

[ Like any good teen or teen-at-heart, Jesse defaults to text. But he does answer Daniel, pretty promptly and everything. ]

yeah im ok

havent been spending much time in town actually

early april 4th, 1/3

[dadyl]

sorry

2/3

[dadyl]

got stabbed

3/3

[dadyl]

please
stay safe
ok

text; i know you've been on hiatus but!! feel free to ignore if you're still on hiatus or slow ❤

[miyagimagic]

[ .. does Daniel feel like contacting Jesse means he might be overly fussing? Yes. On the other hand, this dumb announcement has him overly fussing for sure, so.. ]

Jesse, you heard that announcement, right?

<3

[blueshit]

which one

people never shut up here you notice that

text; early august

[dead_tongue]

hey cutie. I'm checking in on you.

[blueshit]

hey

how you doin