Inbox for Rubi

[blueshit]

Comments

[blueshit]

no
they get shot cause of me
they oded cause of me


i killed lottie

[unorthodoc]

[ Of all the possible responses to get, he hadn't anticipated that one, and replies before he can marshal his thoughts back from it: ]

What? When?

[ Now he's trying to figure out when he'd last seen Lottie, where she might be. ]

[blueshit]

in la

they kileld her to stp me

she died cause of me

[unorthodoc]

[ Wait. Lottie would have mentioned being dead at home, which means -- ]

It happened in the Void.

[ Oh, Jesse. ]

[blueshit]

[ In the Void, in reality. What's the difference? It hurts either way. ]

it always happens

they always die

it cant happen to him too

[unorthodoc]

Come on. Big D can take care of himself. He's survived the end of the world.

[blueshit]

i dont wanna hurt him

i dont wanna hurt anybodu

[unorthodoc]

You think he'd be happy if you hurt yourself?

[blueshit]

im not
im fine

[ Sure, Jan. ]

[unorthodoc]

People who steal morphine aren't fine. Speaking from experience.

[blueshit]

[ No. He's not fine. He knows it. But it's easier, less terrifying, to bury himself in sex and drugs, brand himself as a hopeless loser, than face the daunting task of actually trying to fix things.

Time for a cry for help wrapped up in sarcasm and defensiveness. ]

so what

you wanna host a little rehab clinic

lead group therapy sessions

ask about my childhood

[unorthodoc]

Do I sound like I care about your childhood?

I can keep you functional. Keep you from going into withdrawal and biting a chunk out of someone when you turn into whatever you're going to turn into.

[blueshit]

how

[unorthodoc]

Ever been to a methadone clinic? You get your doses from me. Regularly. Enough to keep you sane. I'll keep an eye on you, make sure you're not going off the deep end.

[blueshit]

did quentin tell you

he wouldn't unlock the good stuff for me

he said ppl needed it

[unorthodoc]

That little bird doesn't tell me anything.

[ He has ways of finding things out. ]

Do you need it?

[blueshit]

[ Yeah, that tracks. Quentin was trying to do the right thing, but he wouldn't snitch, either. ]

if i said yes would you believe me

[unorthodoc]

Yes. I'm probably one of the few people who knows what that means.

[blueshit]

[ There's a long silence, while he considers. He could lie. Bullshit some excuse, string it out longer. Get his drugs (semi)legitimately.

But it feels like it's too late for that, somehow. He's so tired. ]

no

but it feels like i do

[unorthodoc]

[ Another pause between them. Then, resigned: ]

Fine.

But you know where to go. If I have to start a NA meeting, I will.

[blueshit]

yeah

[ It's not agreement, just acknowledgement. For now. ]

sorry

again

[unorthodoc]

Shut up and stop being an idiot.

I want to see you tomorrow at the clinic at least. If you're good I'll give you a lollipop.

[blueshit]

yeah sure

whatever

[ But he'll be there, despite himself and despite House being House. ]