[ Jesse stays where he is a moment longer, debating, before he relents and goes to pull out the chair across from Daniel. He's already here, after all. And despite his misgivings, it's hard to just walk away when he remembers everything so clearly. This had been his dad, or at least, that's what it had felt like.
A server comes over to take his order, waiting with a cheerful smile, and Jesse glances up. ]
Uh, just coffee, thanks.
[ Better to keep his head clear. The server nods and disappears, and Jesse looks back at Daniel, taking a deep breath. Now what? He realizes he's drumming his fingers nervously on the tabletop, and makes himself stop, squeezing his hand into a fist. ]
So, uh.
[ Might as well start with the elephant in the room, right? He gestures up at his own eyes, nodding at Daniel's. ]
Is that - is that, like, normal for you, or...
[ Because the last thing he needs right now is to hear that his dad-who-isn't-his-dad is mid-transformation and needs to find someone to fuck. ]
[ It seems that the latter sentiment is somewhat mirrored in Daniel's own mind, since something vaguely awkward shifts into his expression when the question is being laid out right on the table there like that. ]
No. [ He isn't going to lie to Jesse. Even if the other is technically a stranger, there's enough still lingering within Daniel that makes it hard to even entertain the notion of lying to him, even if this is not exactly the greatest thing in the first to admit to, especially due to some very obvious implications.
Maybe that's why Daniel doesn't leave it to just that answer and a shake of his head. A moment later he's already adding: ]
But-- I'm handling it. Don't worry. [ That's the last thing he'd want Jesse to be thinking about. Maybe it's why he doesn't linger on the topic either, like he wants to make sure they Do Not discuss this. ] It's just that everything here is still new to me. I was only here for a few weeks before I was drawn into..
[ His voice trails off, trying to find words, but then he shakes his head and abandons the attempt. ]
Whatever that was. [ Nailed it. ] It sure makes it seem like things are often pretty wild here.
[ It had been one thing after another, between the violent townspeople and the weird alternative lives and then the town suddenly changing and it now apparently being some sort of police state-- ]
Is it usually like that here? Have you been dealing with it for a while already? [ Concern - for Jesse, of course - sneaks into Daniel's tone as he asks that. It's so instinctive that the man himself doesn't even notice it happening. ]
[ Welp. That answers that. Jesse nods, more than happy to not press further. Daniel knows what he needs to do, and even if they're not actually related, he really, really would rather not think about it any further.
But if he's only been here a few weeks...ouch. Jesse shakes his head in sympathy.]
I've been here...I dunno, four or five months? [ Closer to six, actually, but it's hard to keep track sometimes. It's only been a couple months since he actually buckled down and got a job, instead of spending all his time having sex and bumming around the boarding house. ] Shit definitely happens, but nothing like that before.
[ His expression sours, thinking of how he'd been thrown in a cage for the crime of...what, being who he is? Of Daryl, paralyzed and used as human furniture for an evening because he'd refused the Duchess' "invitation" to the castle. ] It's not so bad here most of the time, but...you really don't wanna get on their bad side. Or get anywhere near the Void.
[ Daniel quietly listens to Jesse, though he is staring at the other guy the entire time while he is listening. It wouldn't really seem all that eerie if it wasn't for Daniel's weird unblinking monster eyes, really..
Especially when - in reality - all he's doing is just trying to observe Jesse as he speaks. Jesse may not technically be a teenager anymore, but Daniel can't help but instinctively view him that way, and he's very much used to trying to read his own teenage kids' faces to see what they aren't telling him.
(Not that he thinks Jesse is lying to him, but he's more just trying to see if maybe some stuff about this place has bothered him more than he's willing to admit to a stranger-gone-fake-dad.) ]
Thanks for the advice. [ His voice somewhat makes up for the eyes, anyway. It has that genuine warmth in it that can't be projected through his gaze right now. ] I'll keep it in mind.
[ He pauses as the waitress comes to bring Jesse's drink, but when she wanders off, he continues with: ]
And the whole.. [ .. hm. Give him a moment to word this delicately. ] You know, the constant risk of changing into a monster.
[ Maybe not as gentle as he'd like, but how do you say that sort of thing in a gentle way. Daniel has no clue. This was never part of his parenting problems back home, considering people didn't change into monsters there. ]
That doesn't bother you?
[ To be fair, Daniel assumes it does. Jesse seems pretty normal, scars aside. Normal enough to not seem all that different from the kid in that alternative life.
But kids often don't like being called out on being bothered or scared. So he's giving the other his own room to word it. ]
[ He still sounds the same. The eyes are different, sure. Maybe a little creepy. But the voice is just like Jesse remembers, and so is how he sits. How he moves. He'd know him anywhere, Jesse thinks. His dad.
But he's not. Even so, the question makes Jesse grimace, taking a sip of his coffee to hide it. How does he explain that he's been able to avoid that risk almost entirely? His sex life's active enough that it's never really been a concern. The only time he'd transformed was after he'd been rescued from the cages in town, after he'd seen Daryl kill a man in front of him to save him. Extenuating circumstances if there ever were any. ]
'Course it does. It's totally fucked up.
[ Whoops. Is he not supposed to swear? Too bad. There are some things ingrained too deeply to change, even for Daniel. ]
You just gotta... [ He shifts uncomfortably, looking down at his drink. ] ...make sure it doesn't happen, y'know?
[ The words flow out of his mouth so naturally. They don't even sound mad or anything either - more like a very gentle scolding done by a parent. And it actually is instinctive. Especially if Jesse looks at Daniel at all. Despite the fact that his eyes can't really convey the emotion well right now, the way Daniel's jaw drops and his mouth hangs open for a moment says enough about the fact that those words came out of his mouth before he even really thought about them.
Jesse isn't the only one struggling with something still lingering here, apparently. Daniel shifts in his seat, looking a touch more awkward before he adds a: ]
Sorry.
[ The last thing he wants to do is make Jesse more uncomfortable here, after all, just because Daniel can't suppress some lingering parental instinct. ]
I guess it's not-- not gone, huh? Everything that happened back there.
[ Language? Seriously? Jesse stares at him, astonished - but he can't quite keep himself from feeling a twinge of guilt at the same time. Like he'd let Daniel down, somehow.
They both look away at the same time, Jesse lowering his gaze to the table as Daniel shifts awkwardly. ]
Yeah.
[ No, it's not gone. There's another awkward moment of silence, before Jesse blurts out more, still staring down at the table. ]
[ At first Daniel feels like the other might not really add something to that 'yeah', especially considering the topic they're discussing, and what Jesse seems like.
The fact that he does offer more, does speak up again, is enough to actually make Daniel look over at the other again with some surprise in his eyes. He just stares for a moment, but not long enough for it to get truly uncomfortable before he's already speaking up again. ]
What parts of it weren't you?
[ Daniel could guess, but he doesn't want to assume.
Besides, maybe it's good for Jesse to actually talk about it. (It's another one of those instinctive parental thoughts, even if Daniel doesn't catch it as such this time around.) ]
.. well.. [ With just a tiny of something awkward, though Daniel does seem to mean what he's saying here: ] School isn't everything.
[ It's not the part Daniel is particularly concerned with, he means. So what if Jesse didn't do that great in school? It's not like Daniel went to college either.
But getting at the part he is concerned about feels a little awkward, closer to being likely to hit something more vulnerable. Yet ignoring it now would be like ignoring the elephant in the room - practically impossible. ]
Your relationship with your parents.. Was that different too?
[ School isn't everything? Just Jesse's reaction - eyebrows shooting up in surprise - gives so much away. School had absolutely been everything, as far as his real parents were concerned.
Speaking of. He glances away the moment Daniel asks the question, shocked and mortified to find tears springing to his eyes. For a moment he can't even speak past the lump in his throat, staring fiercely out into the distance. ]
[ He did kind of expect the answer, at least. The part that he didn't anticipate was the way Jesse's eyes get strangely glossy in a way he manages to spot even with the other looking away, like Jesse's about to cry.
The sight of it feels like it's squeezing Daniel's heart in the most painful way possible. ]
Jesse, I'm so sorry you had to be reminded of that because of what happened. That isn't fair to you at all. [ His voice dips into something so gentle, so sympathetic - as if it comes naturally to Daniel. Even if having a bad relationship with parents isn't something he himself can relate to, Daniel can't help but turn gentle at all times in the face of the pain of others.
Especially a guy who still feels like his kid in some strange way. ]
And I'm.. [ He slowly breathes in. ] I'm also sorry that your bond with your parents was rough. You deserve better than that.
[ Jesse jerks one shoulder up in a short, defensive shrug. Whatever. Who fucking cares, right? Fuck his parents anyway. He hasn't needed them for a long time.
But he can feel Daniel gazing at him from across the table, sorrowful and sympathetic. He can feel his own chest aching, tight with the urge to get up and throw his arms around Daniel. Bury himself in his chest, the way he used to when he was a kid.
No. That never happened. He was never Daniel's kid. He can't remember the last time he hugged his own dad. ]
It's okay.
[ His voice is wooden, the words forced. ]
It's whatever. I moved out a long time ago anyway. Don't really talk to 'em.
[ Please, Jesse. You can't pull the wooden words act with a guy who has two teenage kids, and is helping teach even more than that. If there's anything he'd recognize, it's a young person saying something they don't actually mean. The look Jesse had in his eyes a moment before really didn't help with that one either. ]
.. look.
[ Daniel exhales, like he's preparing himself to say something that he knows may get rebuked. Jesse's walls do seem rather high, after all.
But he feels like he has to say it now, or saying it later will only make things more awkward. And Jesse probably needs it. Hell, anyone would need it in a terrible place like this. ]
I know it probably sounds crazy, but I-- I still care about you. I mean that. Even though you're not actually my kid, and I'm not actually your dad.
[ Because of the lingering feelings that Daniel can't erase, but.. he feels like he would've felt this way even without that. When has his heart ever not bled for a young person who's having parental trouble? ]
So.. it doesn't have to mean anything. [ He's not going to claim to be Jesse's dad, he means. ] But if you're ever having trouble in this place, or you just really need someone to talk to, and you're not sure where to turn.. You can always call out to me, alright? I'll help you out when you need it. I just-- I just want you to know that.
[ Jesse keeps his eyes fixed on the table as Daniel speaks. He's no stranger to being expected to sit and listen as someone else tells him what's what. What he should do. What's best for him.
But the things Daniel says aren't like anything anyone else has ever told him. Just an offer of help, no strings attached. Unconditional support of the kind he'd never had from his own parents. Horrifyingly, he feels his eyes fill with tears again, and he has to look up and away fast.
He doesn't know if he actually believes what Daniel is saying. It's easy to make promises, after all. A lot harder to actually follow through on them when push comes to shove.
But just hearing it is more than he's ever been offered. He nods, a quick jerk of his head, still looking away. ]
[ Daniel feels himself holding in his breath without even necessarily meaning to - like he's that unsure of how the other might react to that, or like he's that worried about having turned Jesse away completely by saying all of that, no matter how much Daniel sincerely means it.
.. the reaction is better than expected though. Sure, it'd be easy to misunderstand it with the way Jesse looks away, but Daniel manages to catch a brief glimpse at his expression right before he turned away like that.
He's seen enough young people to know this isn't a bad reaction. Just.. an emotional one. And Jesse doesn't seem like the kind of person who deals with emotions like this easily.
So Daniel won't push it. He's glad for the other's acceptance of the help. That's all he needs. He feels a smile forming on his own face, picking his drink back up, trying to turn this a little more casual again before Jesse feels too embarrassed. ]
Thanks.
[ That's the only thing he says. More isn't needed - not right now.
Instead.. ]
And.. you know, maybe in return you can tell me about what places around here serve good food or something. [ Definitely a de-escalation attempt.. trying to pull this back down to something a little more casual.. It's okay, Jesse, you don't have to think too hard about how he just practically offered you free parental care!! ]
[ The out Daniel's offering is obvious, and Jesse knows he's seen right through him. But that doesn't stop him from being grateful, or from seizing onto that escape hatch to safer subjects with both hands.
It takes him a second, still, to collect himself, but he manages it, even looking back at Daniel with a small smile. ]
Yeah, sure.
Uh, you like, like, kebabs? There's this place a couple blocks from the boarding house. It's fuckin' - I mean, freaking amazing.
[ It's pretty much instinct, the correction. Not like Daniel has any authority to ground his ass the way his own dad had whenever Jesse had dared to drop an f-bomb back home. Not like he would, anyway. But still, it feels like the thing to do. The not-asshole thing.
He shrugs, like it's nothing, like he doesn't care, squashing the way his heart leaps a little in his chest at the thought. Daniel's not his dad, of course he's not. He doesn't want him to be. It's difficult to say what he does want, exactly, other than the promise of seeing him again. Hanging out with him. Myabe seeing Daniel beam at him, hear him say I'm proud of you.
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A server comes over to take his order, waiting with a cheerful smile, and Jesse glances up. ]
Uh, just coffee, thanks.
[ Better to keep his head clear. The server nods and disappears, and Jesse looks back at Daniel, taking a deep breath. Now what? He realizes he's drumming his fingers nervously on the tabletop, and makes himself stop, squeezing his hand into a fist. ]
So, uh.
[ Might as well start with the elephant in the room, right? He gestures up at his own eyes, nodding at Daniel's. ]
Is that - is that, like, normal for you, or...
[ Because the last thing he needs right now is to hear that his dad-who-isn't-his-dad is mid-transformation and needs to find someone to fuck. ]
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No. [ He isn't going to lie to Jesse. Even if the other is technically a stranger, there's enough still lingering within Daniel that makes it hard to even entertain the notion of lying to him, even if this is not exactly the greatest thing in the first to admit to, especially due to some very obvious implications.
Maybe that's why Daniel doesn't leave it to just that answer and a shake of his head. A moment later he's already adding: ]
But-- I'm handling it. Don't worry. [ That's the last thing he'd want Jesse to be thinking about. Maybe it's why he doesn't linger on the topic either, like he wants to make sure they Do Not discuss this. ] It's just that everything here is still new to me. I was only here for a few weeks before I was drawn into..
[ His voice trails off, trying to find words, but then he shakes his head and abandons the attempt. ]
Whatever that was. [ Nailed it. ] It sure makes it seem like things are often pretty wild here.
[ It had been one thing after another, between the violent townspeople and the weird alternative lives and then the town suddenly changing and it now apparently being some sort of police state-- ]
Is it usually like that here? Have you been dealing with it for a while already? [ Concern - for Jesse, of course - sneaks into Daniel's tone as he asks that. It's so instinctive that the man himself doesn't even notice it happening. ]
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But if he's only been here a few weeks...ouch. Jesse shakes his head in sympathy.]
I've been here...I dunno, four or five months? [ Closer to six, actually, but it's hard to keep track sometimes. It's only been a couple months since he actually buckled down and got a job, instead of spending all his time having sex and bumming around the boarding house. ] Shit definitely happens, but nothing like that before.
[ His expression sours, thinking of how he'd been thrown in a cage for the crime of...what, being who he is? Of Daryl, paralyzed and used as human furniture for an evening because he'd refused the Duchess' "invitation" to the castle. ] It's not so bad here most of the time, but...you really don't wanna get on their bad side. Or get anywhere near the Void.
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Especially when - in reality - all he's doing is just trying to observe Jesse as he speaks. Jesse may not technically be a teenager anymore, but Daniel can't help but instinctively view him that way, and he's very much used to trying to read his own teenage kids' faces to see what they aren't telling him.
(Not that he thinks Jesse is lying to him, but he's more just trying to see if maybe some stuff about this place has bothered him more than he's willing to admit to a stranger-gone-fake-dad.) ]
Thanks for the advice. [ His voice somewhat makes up for the eyes, anyway. It has that genuine warmth in it that can't be projected through his gaze right now. ] I'll keep it in mind.
[ He pauses as the waitress comes to bring Jesse's drink, but when she wanders off, he continues with: ]
And the whole.. [ .. hm. Give him a moment to word this delicately. ] You know, the constant risk of changing into a monster.
[ Maybe not as gentle as he'd like, but how do you say that sort of thing in a gentle way. Daniel has no clue. This was never part of his parenting problems back home, considering people didn't change into monsters there. ]
That doesn't bother you?
[ To be fair, Daniel assumes it does. Jesse seems pretty normal, scars aside. Normal enough to not seem all that different from the kid in that alternative life.
But kids often don't like being called out on being bothered or scared. So he's giving the other his own room to word it. ]
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But he's not. Even so, the question makes Jesse grimace, taking a sip of his coffee to hide it. How does he explain that he's been able to avoid that risk almost entirely? His sex life's active enough that it's never really been a concern. The only time he'd transformed was after he'd been rescued from the cages in town, after he'd seen Daryl kill a man in front of him to save him. Extenuating circumstances if there ever were any. ]
'Course it does. It's totally fucked up.
[ Whoops. Is he not supposed to swear? Too bad. There are some things ingrained too deeply to change, even for Daniel. ]
You just gotta... [ He shifts uncomfortably, looking down at his drink. ] ...make sure it doesn't happen, y'know?
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[ The words flow out of his mouth so naturally. They don't even sound mad or anything either - more like a very gentle scolding done by a parent. And it actually is instinctive. Especially if Jesse looks at Daniel at all. Despite the fact that his eyes can't really convey the emotion well right now, the way Daniel's jaw drops and his mouth hangs open for a moment says enough about the fact that those words came out of his mouth before he even really thought about them.
Jesse isn't the only one struggling with something still lingering here, apparently. Daniel shifts in his seat, looking a touch more awkward before he adds a: ]
Sorry.
[ The last thing he wants to do is make Jesse more uncomfortable here, after all, just because Daniel can't suppress some lingering parental instinct. ]
I guess it's not-- not gone, huh? Everything that happened back there.
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They both look away at the same time, Jesse lowering his gaze to the table as Daniel shifts awkwardly. ]
Yeah.
[ No, it's not gone. There's another awkward moment of silence, before Jesse blurts out more, still staring down at the table. ]
I'm not -
That wasn't - me. I wasn't like that.
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The fact that he does offer more, does speak up again, is enough to actually make Daniel look over at the other again with some surprise in his eyes. He just stares for a moment, but not long enough for it to get truly uncomfortable before he's already speaking up again. ]
What parts of it weren't you?
[ Daniel could guess, but he doesn't want to assume.
Besides, maybe it's good for Jesse to actually talk about it. (It's another one of those instinctive parental thoughts, even if Daniel doesn't catch it as such this time around.) ]
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[ Where's he even start? He's silent for a moment, finally shaking his head. ]
I never got no A in chemistry class. I didn't even pass. For one.
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[ It's not the part Daniel is particularly concerned with, he means. So what if Jesse didn't do that great in school? It's not like Daniel went to college either.
But getting at the part he is concerned about feels a little awkward, closer to being likely to hit something more vulnerable. Yet ignoring it now would be like ignoring the elephant in the room - practically impossible. ]
Your relationship with your parents.. Was that different too?
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Speaking of. He glances away the moment Daniel asks the question, shocked and mortified to find tears springing to his eyes. For a moment he can't even speak past the lump in his throat, staring fiercely out into the distance. ]
...Yeah.
[ Different. Yeah. That's one word for it. ]
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The sight of it feels like it's squeezing Daniel's heart in the most painful way possible. ]
Jesse, I'm so sorry you had to be reminded of that because of what happened. That isn't fair to you at all. [ His voice dips into something so gentle, so sympathetic - as if it comes naturally to Daniel. Even if having a bad relationship with parents isn't something he himself can relate to, Daniel can't help but turn gentle at all times in the face of the pain of others.
Especially a guy who still feels like his kid in some strange way. ]
And I'm.. [ He slowly breathes in. ] I'm also sorry that your bond with your parents was rough. You deserve better than that.
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But he can feel Daniel gazing at him from across the table, sorrowful and sympathetic. He can feel his own chest aching, tight with the urge to get up and throw his arms around Daniel. Bury himself in his chest, the way he used to when he was a kid.
No. That never happened. He was never Daniel's kid. He can't remember the last time he hugged his own dad. ]
It's okay.
[ His voice is wooden, the words forced. ]
It's whatever. I moved out a long time ago anyway. Don't really talk to 'em.
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.. look.
[ Daniel exhales, like he's preparing himself to say something that he knows may get rebuked. Jesse's walls do seem rather high, after all.
But he feels like he has to say it now, or saying it later will only make things more awkward. And Jesse probably needs it. Hell, anyone would need it in a terrible place like this. ]
I know it probably sounds crazy, but I-- I still care about you. I mean that. Even though you're not actually my kid, and I'm not actually your dad.
[ Because of the lingering feelings that Daniel can't erase, but.. he feels like he would've felt this way even without that. When has his heart ever not bled for a young person who's having parental trouble? ]
So.. it doesn't have to mean anything. [ He's not going to claim to be Jesse's dad, he means. ] But if you're ever having trouble in this place, or you just really need someone to talk to, and you're not sure where to turn.. You can always call out to me, alright? I'll help you out when you need it. I just-- I just want you to know that.
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But the things Daniel says aren't like anything anyone else has ever told him. Just an offer of help, no strings attached. Unconditional support of the kind he'd never had from his own parents. Horrifyingly, he feels his eyes fill with tears again, and he has to look up and away fast.
He doesn't know if he actually believes what Daniel is saying. It's easy to make promises, after all. A lot harder to actually follow through on them when push comes to shove.
But just hearing it is more than he's ever been offered. He nods, a quick jerk of his head, still looking away. ]
Yeah.
[ It's all he can manage to say. ]
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.. the reaction is better than expected though. Sure, it'd be easy to misunderstand it with the way Jesse looks away, but Daniel manages to catch a brief glimpse at his expression right before he turned away like that.
He's seen enough young people to know this isn't a bad reaction. Just.. an emotional one. And Jesse doesn't seem like the kind of person who deals with emotions like this easily.
So Daniel won't push it. He's glad for the other's acceptance of the help. That's all he needs. He feels a smile forming on his own face, picking his drink back up, trying to turn this a little more casual again before Jesse feels too embarrassed. ]
Thanks.
[ That's the only thing he says. More isn't needed - not right now.
Instead.. ]
And.. you know, maybe in return you can tell me about what places around here serve good food or something. [ Definitely a de-escalation attempt.. trying to pull this back down to something a little more casual.. It's okay, Jesse, you don't have to think too hard about how he just practically offered you free parental care!! ]
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It takes him a second, still, to collect himself, but he manages it, even looking back at Daniel with a small smile. ]
Yeah, sure.
Uh, you like, like, kebabs? There's this place a couple blocks from the boarding house. It's fuckin' - I mean, freaking amazing.
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[ His smile definitely widens a little when he hears Jesse correct his swear.
Such a good kid. Even though he's technically not a kid-- not anymore. But it's hard for Daniel to view him in any other way, even now. ]
Do you maybe want to go there together sometime? [ N-Not that it'd be a father-son activity..!!
(It would kind of be a father-son activity.) ]
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He shrugs, like it's nothing, like he doesn't care, squashing the way his heart leaps a little in his chest at the thought. Daniel's not his dad, of course he's not. He doesn't want him to be. It's difficult to say what he does want, exactly, other than the promise of seeing him again. Hanging out with him. Myabe seeing Daniel beam at him, hear him say I'm proud of you.
He manages to nod, somehow. Nonchalant. ]
Yeah, guess that'd be cool.