Inbox for Rubi

[blueshit]

Comments

[blueshit]

yeah and its fucking gone

i cant have it

i fucked it up

so who fuckin caresw

[unorthodoc]

Them's quittin' words, Jesse.

[blueshit]

then i quit

ok

is that what u wanna hear

fuck

[unorthodoc]

Jesus, why are you making this so difficult?

[ Ugh. Okay. He can do this. ]

I'm worried about you.

[blueshit]

[ Shit. That hurts, and it shouldn't. An ache, right in his chest. ]

i fuck everything up

hes better off withtout me

[unorthodoc]

Did he actually tell you that?

[blueshit]

he didnt need to

everybody dies
everybody dies cause of me

[unorthodoc]

No, they die because they've spent too long drinking and not taking care of their arteries. Or because they get cancer. Or because an artery goes nuts and ruptures in the back of their brain. Or because they get hit by a car, or get shot, or a hundred other ways people can depart this mortal plane.

You just want it to be because of you so you have a reason to blame yourself for something you probably didn't do.

It's okay, I do the same thing.

[blueshit]

no
they get shot cause of me
they oded cause of me


i killed lottie

[unorthodoc]

[ Of all the possible responses to get, he hadn't anticipated that one, and replies before he can marshal his thoughts back from it: ]

What? When?

[ Now he's trying to figure out when he'd last seen Lottie, where she might be. ]

[blueshit]

in la

they kileld her to stp me

she died cause of me

[unorthodoc]

[ Wait. Lottie would have mentioned being dead at home, which means -- ]

It happened in the Void.

[ Oh, Jesse. ]

[blueshit]

[ In the Void, in reality. What's the difference? It hurts either way. ]

it always happens

they always die

it cant happen to him too

[unorthodoc]

Come on. Big D can take care of himself. He's survived the end of the world.

[blueshit]

i dont wanna hurt him

i dont wanna hurt anybodu

[unorthodoc]

You think he'd be happy if you hurt yourself?

[blueshit]

im not
im fine

[ Sure, Jan. ]

[unorthodoc]

People who steal morphine aren't fine. Speaking from experience.

[blueshit]

[ No. He's not fine. He knows it. But it's easier, less terrifying, to bury himself in sex and drugs, brand himself as a hopeless loser, than face the daunting task of actually trying to fix things.

Time for a cry for help wrapped up in sarcasm and defensiveness. ]

so what

you wanna host a little rehab clinic

lead group therapy sessions

ask about my childhood

[unorthodoc]

Do I sound like I care about your childhood?

I can keep you functional. Keep you from going into withdrawal and biting a chunk out of someone when you turn into whatever you're going to turn into.

[blueshit]

how

[unorthodoc]

Ever been to a methadone clinic? You get your doses from me. Regularly. Enough to keep you sane. I'll keep an eye on you, make sure you're not going off the deep end.

[blueshit]

did quentin tell you

he wouldn't unlock the good stuff for me

he said ppl needed it

[unorthodoc]

That little bird doesn't tell me anything.

[ He has ways of finding things out. ]

Do you need it?

[blueshit]

[ Yeah, that tracks. Quentin was trying to do the right thing, but he wouldn't snitch, either. ]

if i said yes would you believe me