[ Maybe he should've expected this. He would have, if he'd thought about it for more than two seconds. If he hadn't immediately pushed that strange, impossible dream to the back of his mind and buried it. Jesse Pinkman, A student. Goody two shoes. Making dinner for his dad (who isn't his dad, who's nothing like his dad) and begging for a job so he could help out with the bills. Staying after school for study sessions with Mr. White, of all people.
Yeah fucking right.
The worst part, though, isn't how utterly alien the whole thing had been. The worst part is that he can remember how it had felt. To have a dad who was proud of him. To be someone he could be proud of. To be supported and accepted and loved.
He wants nothing more than to blow Daniel off, tell him to get lost. But he can't. He can't because Daniel would be disappointed, would be sad, and that - ]
[ Daniel sure is in for a rude awakening sooner or later. Because he's still fully assuming Jesse is a teenager, and receiving this message in return does very little to dispel that notion. After all, this literally sounds like a text he could've received from his own son back home. To the letter. Just in thought form now. ]
Thank you for being alright with it.
[ It probably seems familiar enough to what Jesse heard in the dream. There's something weirdly gentle and understanding about it - maybe something that's a natural part of Daniel, even now things are back to normal.
But he means it. After all, he was half-wondering if the other would just brush him off, considering the awkwardness of going from what happened back there to reality. He wouldn't even be able to blame Jesse for it. ]
Would it be alright to talk about this in person? It'd probably be a little easier. [ And then, as if to compromise: ] You can pick a location.
[ Jesse being twenty-five instead of eighteen is far from the worst surprise Daniel's in store for. Daniel, at least, sounds more or less the same. A little more formal, maybe, but that only makes sense, given that he didn't know how Jesse might react. Jesse sure as fuck doesn't know what their relationship is supposed to be now. It's not as though he's looking for a dad. It's not as if Daniel is his dad, or ever was.
But where are they supposed to meet? For a moment, Jesse's stumped. The bar and the brothel, the two places he spends most of his time these days, are both out. After a moment, he sends a mental image of the cafe in town. Neutral territory. Easy enough for him to slip away if things go south. ]
[ It seems like enough of a neutral ground for Daniel too. Especially when he knows so little what to expect here, with so few words coming through from Jesse's side. It's much more likely that he'll notice more about the other if he actually sees him in person. If he can also read body language, or when it's a little bit harder to hide behind a few words.
(And because-- because he wants to see if Jesse is alright. Even if Jesse isn't his kid, Daniel just.. feels like he has to know. He has to make sure, especially with how bad this place can be.) ]
I will see you there in half an hour.
[ And, true to word, Daniel is actually there. Early, even, just because he wants to make sure Jesse doesn't have to awkwardly wait there for him. Jesse may find him already sitting at a table in the cafe, something about the man looking just slightly nervous, even without having spotted Jesse. Daniel has already ordered a drink, his hands around the cup - it seems like tea - but otherwise looks pretty much the same way Jesse would remember from having seen him in the Void.
Just.. you know, with slightly less modern clothes, given the clothing style in town. The only major difference is that Daniel's eyes look kind of weird. They're no longer the deep brown they were back there. Instead they're oddly mismatched - one of them lacking an iris, instead just a dark golden colour all over with a round pupil in the middle, and the other one similar, but instead it's a dark green and the pupil is thin and elongated, like a slit. ]
[ Half an hour. It's enough time - barely - for him to clean up a little first. Personal hygiene hasn't exactly been a priority for Jesse lately. At least he's not drunk or high at the moment.
He scrubs himself off, puts on fresh clothes, and heads for the cafe before he can second-guess himself. He sees Daniel right away, with a weird jolt of recognition, already sitting and sipping a drink. Shit, is he late?
Jesse slows as he reaches the table, hovering behind a chair. He's older than the Jesse Daniel had known - twenty-five or so, though the haunted look in his eyes and the scars on his face make him read older. His clothes are baggy and too big, his hair shaggy, facial hair covering the bottom half of his face.
He studies Daniel for a moment. Fuck, he looks just the same. Almost. The clothes are whatever, but those eyes? Is he...mid-transformation? He can't be, right?
But even with Daniel's weird monster eyes, Jesse's the one feeling vulnerable, out of place. He knows he can't be what Daniel had expected. What if he looks at him and knows, just knows, what a loser he is? What if he regrets asking to meet him at all? ]
[ Daniel is midway through the greeting when he actually directs his gaze upwards enough to see more of Jesse than just the other's shirt, and when his gaze travels high enough to look at the other's face, Daniel seems to freeze.
It's hard to tell his exact reaction with how strange his eyes are, but his mouth does open a little bit. Surprise, at least, even if the direct cause of said surprise might be hard to tell, especially since Daniel doesn't speak up right away, stunned into silence.
It lasts for a moment, maybe two, and that's when Daniel gets up from the chair he was sitting at. ]
Jesse, you-- Are you okay?
[ His tone fills the gap that his eyes won't show. There's clear worry in it. Forget the shock of Jesse actually being older than Daniel anticipated, or that facial hair, or anything in that category. No, it's.. ]
Those scars.. Did you get hurt?
[ Granted, they're.. probably a little bit older, but in the shock of the moment, Daniel isn't really considering that. Especially with how violent some of the other things he stumbled across in the Void were. Maybe Jesse got them because one of those.
And yes-- yes, Daniel is fussing over Jesse like he himself isn't the one with the freaky monster eyes here, okay. Pot, kettle, etcetera. At least he's not really worried about the awkwardness in this moment, too busy instinctively fussing over the other. ]
[ Shit. Jesse can practically feel his stomach dropping down into his shoes. He'd known he couldn't be what Daniel had expected, but even so, seeing him shocked into silence feels even worse than he could have imagined.
The scars. Of course he's staring at the scars. Jesse flinches away when he steps close, turning his head away to hide the worst of them. ]
M'fine. [ Automatically falling back into the sullen teenager role, one his real parents had been a lot more familiar with than Daniel ever had. ] It was a long time ago.
[ And not something he wants to talk about with Daniel. Ever. Where would he even begin? Well, I was working as a meth slave for this Nazi gang in Albuquerque - No. No fuckin' way. He shakes his head, taking another step back. Shit, he should never have come here. He should never have responded to Daniel at all. ]
[ Oh. Now this is an attitude Daniel actually recognizes. Maybe not from Jesse, since the life he had witnessed back there had almost been surreal in how nice it was. Maybe some people wouldn't call it perfect, with Daniel having had to work hard to provide for their little family of two, but-- it's not like he of all people minded that.
But this more sullen teenage attitude, even if Jesse looks a touch too old for it - it's something Daniel recognizes, definitely having dealt with sullen teens back home. Hell, some of said teens were his very own children.
So he backs down a little. Still feeling the worry, since there's no way he's just going to instantly feel okay or comforted about whatever the hell Jesse must have been through to have scars like that, but shoving it down the best he can. Just like he always does. ]
No, it's-- It's alright.
[ He puts his hands in front of him, palms out, like a gesture of peace - or maybe just the way someone might try to calm down a feisty cat.
A moment later he slowly sits down again. ]
I'm so sorry. And I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. [ He shakes his head. ] What do you want to drink? It's my treat.
[ Might as well start with something a little more general, rather than dropping another bomb on Jesse right away. ]
[ Jesse stays where he is a moment longer, debating, before he relents and goes to pull out the chair across from Daniel. He's already here, after all. And despite his misgivings, it's hard to just walk away when he remembers everything so clearly. This had been his dad, or at least, that's what it had felt like.
A server comes over to take his order, waiting with a cheerful smile, and Jesse glances up. ]
Uh, just coffee, thanks.
[ Better to keep his head clear. The server nods and disappears, and Jesse looks back at Daniel, taking a deep breath. Now what? He realizes he's drumming his fingers nervously on the tabletop, and makes himself stop, squeezing his hand into a fist. ]
So, uh.
[ Might as well start with the elephant in the room, right? He gestures up at his own eyes, nodding at Daniel's. ]
Is that - is that, like, normal for you, or...
[ Because the last thing he needs right now is to hear that his dad-who-isn't-his-dad is mid-transformation and needs to find someone to fuck. ]
[ It seems that the latter sentiment is somewhat mirrored in Daniel's own mind, since something vaguely awkward shifts into his expression when the question is being laid out right on the table there like that. ]
No. [ He isn't going to lie to Jesse. Even if the other is technically a stranger, there's enough still lingering within Daniel that makes it hard to even entertain the notion of lying to him, even if this is not exactly the greatest thing in the first to admit to, especially due to some very obvious implications.
Maybe that's why Daniel doesn't leave it to just that answer and a shake of his head. A moment later he's already adding: ]
But-- I'm handling it. Don't worry. [ That's the last thing he'd want Jesse to be thinking about. Maybe it's why he doesn't linger on the topic either, like he wants to make sure they Do Not discuss this. ] It's just that everything here is still new to me. I was only here for a few weeks before I was drawn into..
[ His voice trails off, trying to find words, but then he shakes his head and abandons the attempt. ]
Whatever that was. [ Nailed it. ] It sure makes it seem like things are often pretty wild here.
[ It had been one thing after another, between the violent townspeople and the weird alternative lives and then the town suddenly changing and it now apparently being some sort of police state-- ]
Is it usually like that here? Have you been dealing with it for a while already? [ Concern - for Jesse, of course - sneaks into Daniel's tone as he asks that. It's so instinctive that the man himself doesn't even notice it happening. ]
[ Welp. That answers that. Jesse nods, more than happy to not press further. Daniel knows what he needs to do, and even if they're not actually related, he really, really would rather not think about it any further.
But if he's only been here a few weeks...ouch. Jesse shakes his head in sympathy.]
I've been here...I dunno, four or five months? [ Closer to six, actually, but it's hard to keep track sometimes. It's only been a couple months since he actually buckled down and got a job, instead of spending all his time having sex and bumming around the boarding house. ] Shit definitely happens, but nothing like that before.
[ His expression sours, thinking of how he'd been thrown in a cage for the crime of...what, being who he is? Of Daryl, paralyzed and used as human furniture for an evening because he'd refused the Duchess' "invitation" to the castle. ] It's not so bad here most of the time, but...you really don't wanna get on their bad side. Or get anywhere near the Void.
[ Daniel quietly listens to Jesse, though he is staring at the other guy the entire time while he is listening. It wouldn't really seem all that eerie if it wasn't for Daniel's weird unblinking monster eyes, really..
Especially when - in reality - all he's doing is just trying to observe Jesse as he speaks. Jesse may not technically be a teenager anymore, but Daniel can't help but instinctively view him that way, and he's very much used to trying to read his own teenage kids' faces to see what they aren't telling him.
(Not that he thinks Jesse is lying to him, but he's more just trying to see if maybe some stuff about this place has bothered him more than he's willing to admit to a stranger-gone-fake-dad.) ]
Thanks for the advice. [ His voice somewhat makes up for the eyes, anyway. It has that genuine warmth in it that can't be projected through his gaze right now. ] I'll keep it in mind.
[ He pauses as the waitress comes to bring Jesse's drink, but when she wanders off, he continues with: ]
And the whole.. [ .. hm. Give him a moment to word this delicately. ] You know, the constant risk of changing into a monster.
[ Maybe not as gentle as he'd like, but how do you say that sort of thing in a gentle way. Daniel has no clue. This was never part of his parenting problems back home, considering people didn't change into monsters there. ]
That doesn't bother you?
[ To be fair, Daniel assumes it does. Jesse seems pretty normal, scars aside. Normal enough to not seem all that different from the kid in that alternative life.
But kids often don't like being called out on being bothered or scared. So he's giving the other his own room to word it. ]
[ He still sounds the same. The eyes are different, sure. Maybe a little creepy. But the voice is just like Jesse remembers, and so is how he sits. How he moves. He'd know him anywhere, Jesse thinks. His dad.
But he's not. Even so, the question makes Jesse grimace, taking a sip of his coffee to hide it. How does he explain that he's been able to avoid that risk almost entirely? His sex life's active enough that it's never really been a concern. The only time he'd transformed was after he'd been rescued from the cages in town, after he'd seen Daryl kill a man in front of him to save him. Extenuating circumstances if there ever were any. ]
'Course it does. It's totally fucked up.
[ Whoops. Is he not supposed to swear? Too bad. There are some things ingrained too deeply to change, even for Daniel. ]
You just gotta... [ He shifts uncomfortably, looking down at his drink. ] ...make sure it doesn't happen, y'know?
[ The words flow out of his mouth so naturally. They don't even sound mad or anything either - more like a very gentle scolding done by a parent. And it actually is instinctive. Especially if Jesse looks at Daniel at all. Despite the fact that his eyes can't really convey the emotion well right now, the way Daniel's jaw drops and his mouth hangs open for a moment says enough about the fact that those words came out of his mouth before he even really thought about them.
Jesse isn't the only one struggling with something still lingering here, apparently. Daniel shifts in his seat, looking a touch more awkward before he adds a: ]
Sorry.
[ The last thing he wants to do is make Jesse more uncomfortable here, after all, just because Daniel can't suppress some lingering parental instinct. ]
I guess it's not-- not gone, huh? Everything that happened back there.
[ Language? Seriously? Jesse stares at him, astonished - but he can't quite keep himself from feeling a twinge of guilt at the same time. Like he'd let Daniel down, somehow.
They both look away at the same time, Jesse lowering his gaze to the table as Daniel shifts awkwardly. ]
Yeah.
[ No, it's not gone. There's another awkward moment of silence, before Jesse blurts out more, still staring down at the table. ]
[ At first Daniel feels like the other might not really add something to that 'yeah', especially considering the topic they're discussing, and what Jesse seems like.
The fact that he does offer more, does speak up again, is enough to actually make Daniel look over at the other again with some surprise in his eyes. He just stares for a moment, but not long enough for it to get truly uncomfortable before he's already speaking up again. ]
What parts of it weren't you?
[ Daniel could guess, but he doesn't want to assume.
Besides, maybe it's good for Jesse to actually talk about it. (It's another one of those instinctive parental thoughts, even if Daniel doesn't catch it as such this time around.) ]
.. well.. [ With just a tiny of something awkward, though Daniel does seem to mean what he's saying here: ] School isn't everything.
[ It's not the part Daniel is particularly concerned with, he means. So what if Jesse didn't do that great in school? It's not like Daniel went to college either.
But getting at the part he is concerned about feels a little awkward, closer to being likely to hit something more vulnerable. Yet ignoring it now would be like ignoring the elephant in the room - practically impossible. ]
Your relationship with your parents.. Was that different too?
[ School isn't everything? Just Jesse's reaction - eyebrows shooting up in surprise - gives so much away. School had absolutely been everything, as far as his real parents were concerned.
Speaking of. He glances away the moment Daniel asks the question, shocked and mortified to find tears springing to his eyes. For a moment he can't even speak past the lump in his throat, staring fiercely out into the distance. ]
[ He did kind of expect the answer, at least. The part that he didn't anticipate was the way Jesse's eyes get strangely glossy in a way he manages to spot even with the other looking away, like Jesse's about to cry.
The sight of it feels like it's squeezing Daniel's heart in the most painful way possible. ]
Jesse, I'm so sorry you had to be reminded of that because of what happened. That isn't fair to you at all. [ His voice dips into something so gentle, so sympathetic - as if it comes naturally to Daniel. Even if having a bad relationship with parents isn't something he himself can relate to, Daniel can't help but turn gentle at all times in the face of the pain of others.
Especially a guy who still feels like his kid in some strange way. ]
And I'm.. [ He slowly breathes in. ] I'm also sorry that your bond with your parents was rough. You deserve better than that.
[ Jesse jerks one shoulder up in a short, defensive shrug. Whatever. Who fucking cares, right? Fuck his parents anyway. He hasn't needed them for a long time.
But he can feel Daniel gazing at him from across the table, sorrowful and sympathetic. He can feel his own chest aching, tight with the urge to get up and throw his arms around Daniel. Bury himself in his chest, the way he used to when he was a kid.
No. That never happened. He was never Daniel's kid. He can't remember the last time he hugged his own dad. ]
It's okay.
[ His voice is wooden, the words forced. ]
It's whatever. I moved out a long time ago anyway. Don't really talk to 'em.
[ Please, Jesse. You can't pull the wooden words act with a guy who has two teenage kids, and is helping teach even more than that. If there's anything he'd recognize, it's a young person saying something they don't actually mean. The look Jesse had in his eyes a moment before really didn't help with that one either. ]
.. look.
[ Daniel exhales, like he's preparing himself to say something that he knows may get rebuked. Jesse's walls do seem rather high, after all.
But he feels like he has to say it now, or saying it later will only make things more awkward. And Jesse probably needs it. Hell, anyone would need it in a terrible place like this. ]
I know it probably sounds crazy, but I-- I still care about you. I mean that. Even though you're not actually my kid, and I'm not actually your dad.
[ Because of the lingering feelings that Daniel can't erase, but.. he feels like he would've felt this way even without that. When has his heart ever not bled for a young person who's having parental trouble? ]
So.. it doesn't have to mean anything. [ He's not going to claim to be Jesse's dad, he means. ] But if you're ever having trouble in this place, or you just really need someone to talk to, and you're not sure where to turn.. You can always call out to me, alright? I'll help you out when you need it. I just-- I just want you to know that.
[ Jesse keeps his eyes fixed on the table as Daniel speaks. He's no stranger to being expected to sit and listen as someone else tells him what's what. What he should do. What's best for him.
But the things Daniel says aren't like anything anyone else has ever told him. Just an offer of help, no strings attached. Unconditional support of the kind he'd never had from his own parents. Horrifyingly, he feels his eyes fill with tears again, and he has to look up and away fast.
He doesn't know if he actually believes what Daniel is saying. It's easy to make promises, after all. A lot harder to actually follow through on them when push comes to shove.
But just hearing it is more than he's ever been offered. He nods, a quick jerk of his head, still looking away. ]
[ Daniel feels himself holding in his breath without even necessarily meaning to - like he's that unsure of how the other might react to that, or like he's that worried about having turned Jesse away completely by saying all of that, no matter how much Daniel sincerely means it.
.. the reaction is better than expected though. Sure, it'd be easy to misunderstand it with the way Jesse looks away, but Daniel manages to catch a brief glimpse at his expression right before he turned away like that.
He's seen enough young people to know this isn't a bad reaction. Just.. an emotional one. And Jesse doesn't seem like the kind of person who deals with emotions like this easily.
So Daniel won't push it. He's glad for the other's acceptance of the help. That's all he needs. He feels a smile forming on his own face, picking his drink back up, trying to turn this a little more casual again before Jesse feels too embarrassed. ]
Thanks.
[ That's the only thing he says. More isn't needed - not right now.
Instead.. ]
And.. you know, maybe in return you can tell me about what places around here serve good food or something. [ Definitely a de-escalation attempt.. trying to pull this back down to something a little more casual.. It's okay, Jesse, you don't have to think too hard about how he just practically offered you free parental care!! ]
[ The out Daniel's offering is obvious, and Jesse knows he's seen right through him. But that doesn't stop him from being grateful, or from seizing onto that escape hatch to safer subjects with both hands.
It takes him a second, still, to collect himself, but he manages it, even looking back at Daniel with a small smile. ]
Yeah, sure.
Uh, you like, like, kebabs? There's this place a couple blocks from the boarding house. It's fuckin' - I mean, freaking amazing.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah fucking right.
The worst part, though, isn't how utterly alien the whole thing had been. The worst part is that he can remember how it had felt. To have a dad who was proud of him. To be someone he could be proud of. To be supported and accepted and loved.
He wants nothing more than to blow Daniel off, tell him to get lost. But he can't. He can't because Daniel would be disappointed, would be sad, and that - ]
hey
ok
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Thank you for being alright with it.
[ It probably seems familiar enough to what Jesse heard in the dream. There's something weirdly gentle and understanding about it - maybe something that's a natural part of Daniel, even now things are back to normal.
But he means it. After all, he was half-wondering if the other would just brush him off, considering the awkwardness of going from what happened back there to reality. He wouldn't even be able to blame Jesse for it. ]
Would it be alright to talk about this in person? It'd probably be a little easier. [ And then, as if to compromise: ] You can pick a location.
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But where are they supposed to meet? For a moment, Jesse's stumped. The bar and the brothel, the two places he spends most of his time these days, are both out. After a moment, he sends a mental image of the cafe in town. Neutral territory. Easy enough for him to slip away if things go south. ]
this work?
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[ It seems like enough of a neutral ground for Daniel too. Especially when he knows so little what to expect here, with so few words coming through from Jesse's side. It's much more likely that he'll notice more about the other if he actually sees him in person. If he can also read body language, or when it's a little bit harder to hide behind a few words.
(And because-- because he wants to see if Jesse is alright. Even if Jesse isn't his kid, Daniel just.. feels like he has to know. He has to make sure, especially with how bad this place can be.) ]
I will see you there in half an hour.
[ And, true to word, Daniel is actually there. Early, even, just because he wants to make sure Jesse doesn't have to awkwardly wait there for him. Jesse may find him already sitting at a table in the cafe, something about the man looking just slightly nervous, even without having spotted Jesse. Daniel has already ordered a drink, his hands around the cup - it seems like tea - but otherwise looks pretty much the same way Jesse would remember from having seen him in the Void.
Just.. you know, with slightly less modern clothes, given the clothing style in town. The only major difference is that Daniel's eyes look kind of weird. They're no longer the deep brown they were back there. Instead they're oddly mismatched - one of them lacking an iris, instead just a dark golden colour all over with a round pupil in the middle, and the other one similar, but instead it's a dark green and the pupil is thin and elongated, like a slit. ]
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He scrubs himself off, puts on fresh clothes, and heads for the cafe before he can second-guess himself. He sees Daniel right away, with a weird jolt of recognition, already sitting and sipping a drink. Shit, is he late?
Jesse slows as he reaches the table, hovering behind a chair. He's older than the Jesse Daniel had known - twenty-five or so, though the haunted look in his eyes and the scars on his face make him read older. His clothes are baggy and too big, his hair shaggy, facial hair covering the bottom half of his face.
He studies Daniel for a moment. Fuck, he looks just the same. Almost. The clothes are whatever, but those eyes? Is he...mid-transformation? He can't be, right?
But even with Daniel's weird monster eyes, Jesse's the one feeling vulnerable, out of place. He knows he can't be what Daniel had expected. What if he looks at him and knows, just knows, what a loser he is? What if he regrets asking to meet him at all? ]
...Hey.
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[ Daniel is midway through the greeting when he actually directs his gaze upwards enough to see more of Jesse than just the other's shirt, and when his gaze travels high enough to look at the other's face, Daniel seems to freeze.
It's hard to tell his exact reaction with how strange his eyes are, but his mouth does open a little bit. Surprise, at least, even if the direct cause of said surprise might be hard to tell, especially since Daniel doesn't speak up right away, stunned into silence.
It lasts for a moment, maybe two, and that's when Daniel gets up from the chair he was sitting at. ]
Jesse, you-- Are you okay?
[ His tone fills the gap that his eyes won't show. There's clear worry in it. Forget the shock of Jesse actually being older than Daniel anticipated, or that facial hair, or anything in that category. No, it's.. ]
Those scars.. Did you get hurt?
[ Granted, they're.. probably a little bit older, but in the shock of the moment, Daniel isn't really considering that. Especially with how violent some of the other things he stumbled across in the Void were. Maybe Jesse got them because one of those.
And yes-- yes, Daniel is fussing over Jesse like he himself isn't the one with the freaky monster eyes here, okay. Pot, kettle, etcetera. At least he's not really worried about the awkwardness in this moment, too busy instinctively fussing over the other. ]
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The scars. Of course he's staring at the scars. Jesse flinches away when he steps close, turning his head away to hide the worst of them. ]
M'fine. [ Automatically falling back into the sullen teenager role, one his real parents had been a lot more familiar with than Daniel ever had. ] It was a long time ago.
[ And not something he wants to talk about with Daniel. Ever. Where would he even begin? Well, I was working as a meth slave for this Nazi gang in Albuquerque - No. No fuckin' way. He shakes his head, taking another step back. Shit, he should never have come here. He should never have responded to Daniel at all. ]
..This was a mistake.
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But this more sullen teenage attitude, even if Jesse looks a touch too old for it - it's something Daniel recognizes, definitely having dealt with sullen teens back home. Hell, some of said teens were his very own children.
So he backs down a little. Still feeling the worry, since there's no way he's just going to instantly feel okay or comforted about whatever the hell Jesse must have been through to have scars like that, but shoving it down the best he can. Just like he always does. ]
No, it's-- It's alright.
[ He puts his hands in front of him, palms out, like a gesture of peace - or maybe just the way someone might try to calm down a feisty cat.
A moment later he slowly sits down again. ]
I'm so sorry. And I'm glad to hear you're doing okay. [ He shakes his head. ] What do you want to drink? It's my treat.
[ Might as well start with something a little more general, rather than dropping another bomb on Jesse right away. ]
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A server comes over to take his order, waiting with a cheerful smile, and Jesse glances up. ]
Uh, just coffee, thanks.
[ Better to keep his head clear. The server nods and disappears, and Jesse looks back at Daniel, taking a deep breath. Now what? He realizes he's drumming his fingers nervously on the tabletop, and makes himself stop, squeezing his hand into a fist. ]
So, uh.
[ Might as well start with the elephant in the room, right? He gestures up at his own eyes, nodding at Daniel's. ]
Is that - is that, like, normal for you, or...
[ Because the last thing he needs right now is to hear that his dad-who-isn't-his-dad is mid-transformation and needs to find someone to fuck. ]
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No. [ He isn't going to lie to Jesse. Even if the other is technically a stranger, there's enough still lingering within Daniel that makes it hard to even entertain the notion of lying to him, even if this is not exactly the greatest thing in the first to admit to, especially due to some very obvious implications.
Maybe that's why Daniel doesn't leave it to just that answer and a shake of his head. A moment later he's already adding: ]
But-- I'm handling it. Don't worry. [ That's the last thing he'd want Jesse to be thinking about. Maybe it's why he doesn't linger on the topic either, like he wants to make sure they Do Not discuss this. ] It's just that everything here is still new to me. I was only here for a few weeks before I was drawn into..
[ His voice trails off, trying to find words, but then he shakes his head and abandons the attempt. ]
Whatever that was. [ Nailed it. ] It sure makes it seem like things are often pretty wild here.
[ It had been one thing after another, between the violent townspeople and the weird alternative lives and then the town suddenly changing and it now apparently being some sort of police state-- ]
Is it usually like that here? Have you been dealing with it for a while already? [ Concern - for Jesse, of course - sneaks into Daniel's tone as he asks that. It's so instinctive that the man himself doesn't even notice it happening. ]
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But if he's only been here a few weeks...ouch. Jesse shakes his head in sympathy.]
I've been here...I dunno, four or five months? [ Closer to six, actually, but it's hard to keep track sometimes. It's only been a couple months since he actually buckled down and got a job, instead of spending all his time having sex and bumming around the boarding house. ] Shit definitely happens, but nothing like that before.
[ His expression sours, thinking of how he'd been thrown in a cage for the crime of...what, being who he is? Of Daryl, paralyzed and used as human furniture for an evening because he'd refused the Duchess' "invitation" to the castle. ] It's not so bad here most of the time, but...you really don't wanna get on their bad side. Or get anywhere near the Void.
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Especially when - in reality - all he's doing is just trying to observe Jesse as he speaks. Jesse may not technically be a teenager anymore, but Daniel can't help but instinctively view him that way, and he's very much used to trying to read his own teenage kids' faces to see what they aren't telling him.
(Not that he thinks Jesse is lying to him, but he's more just trying to see if maybe some stuff about this place has bothered him more than he's willing to admit to a stranger-gone-fake-dad.) ]
Thanks for the advice. [ His voice somewhat makes up for the eyes, anyway. It has that genuine warmth in it that can't be projected through his gaze right now. ] I'll keep it in mind.
[ He pauses as the waitress comes to bring Jesse's drink, but when she wanders off, he continues with: ]
And the whole.. [ .. hm. Give him a moment to word this delicately. ] You know, the constant risk of changing into a monster.
[ Maybe not as gentle as he'd like, but how do you say that sort of thing in a gentle way. Daniel has no clue. This was never part of his parenting problems back home, considering people didn't change into monsters there. ]
That doesn't bother you?
[ To be fair, Daniel assumes it does. Jesse seems pretty normal, scars aside. Normal enough to not seem all that different from the kid in that alternative life.
But kids often don't like being called out on being bothered or scared. So he's giving the other his own room to word it. ]
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But he's not. Even so, the question makes Jesse grimace, taking a sip of his coffee to hide it. How does he explain that he's been able to avoid that risk almost entirely? His sex life's active enough that it's never really been a concern. The only time he'd transformed was after he'd been rescued from the cages in town, after he'd seen Daryl kill a man in front of him to save him. Extenuating circumstances if there ever were any. ]
'Course it does. It's totally fucked up.
[ Whoops. Is he not supposed to swear? Too bad. There are some things ingrained too deeply to change, even for Daniel. ]
You just gotta... [ He shifts uncomfortably, looking down at his drink. ] ...make sure it doesn't happen, y'know?
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[ The words flow out of his mouth so naturally. They don't even sound mad or anything either - more like a very gentle scolding done by a parent. And it actually is instinctive. Especially if Jesse looks at Daniel at all. Despite the fact that his eyes can't really convey the emotion well right now, the way Daniel's jaw drops and his mouth hangs open for a moment says enough about the fact that those words came out of his mouth before he even really thought about them.
Jesse isn't the only one struggling with something still lingering here, apparently. Daniel shifts in his seat, looking a touch more awkward before he adds a: ]
Sorry.
[ The last thing he wants to do is make Jesse more uncomfortable here, after all, just because Daniel can't suppress some lingering parental instinct. ]
I guess it's not-- not gone, huh? Everything that happened back there.
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They both look away at the same time, Jesse lowering his gaze to the table as Daniel shifts awkwardly. ]
Yeah.
[ No, it's not gone. There's another awkward moment of silence, before Jesse blurts out more, still staring down at the table. ]
I'm not -
That wasn't - me. I wasn't like that.
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The fact that he does offer more, does speak up again, is enough to actually make Daniel look over at the other again with some surprise in his eyes. He just stares for a moment, but not long enough for it to get truly uncomfortable before he's already speaking up again. ]
What parts of it weren't you?
[ Daniel could guess, but he doesn't want to assume.
Besides, maybe it's good for Jesse to actually talk about it. (It's another one of those instinctive parental thoughts, even if Daniel doesn't catch it as such this time around.) ]
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[ Where's he even start? He's silent for a moment, finally shaking his head. ]
I never got no A in chemistry class. I didn't even pass. For one.
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[ It's not the part Daniel is particularly concerned with, he means. So what if Jesse didn't do that great in school? It's not like Daniel went to college either.
But getting at the part he is concerned about feels a little awkward, closer to being likely to hit something more vulnerable. Yet ignoring it now would be like ignoring the elephant in the room - practically impossible. ]
Your relationship with your parents.. Was that different too?
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Speaking of. He glances away the moment Daniel asks the question, shocked and mortified to find tears springing to his eyes. For a moment he can't even speak past the lump in his throat, staring fiercely out into the distance. ]
...Yeah.
[ Different. Yeah. That's one word for it. ]
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The sight of it feels like it's squeezing Daniel's heart in the most painful way possible. ]
Jesse, I'm so sorry you had to be reminded of that because of what happened. That isn't fair to you at all. [ His voice dips into something so gentle, so sympathetic - as if it comes naturally to Daniel. Even if having a bad relationship with parents isn't something he himself can relate to, Daniel can't help but turn gentle at all times in the face of the pain of others.
Especially a guy who still feels like his kid in some strange way. ]
And I'm.. [ He slowly breathes in. ] I'm also sorry that your bond with your parents was rough. You deserve better than that.
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But he can feel Daniel gazing at him from across the table, sorrowful and sympathetic. He can feel his own chest aching, tight with the urge to get up and throw his arms around Daniel. Bury himself in his chest, the way he used to when he was a kid.
No. That never happened. He was never Daniel's kid. He can't remember the last time he hugged his own dad. ]
It's okay.
[ His voice is wooden, the words forced. ]
It's whatever. I moved out a long time ago anyway. Don't really talk to 'em.
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.. look.
[ Daniel exhales, like he's preparing himself to say something that he knows may get rebuked. Jesse's walls do seem rather high, after all.
But he feels like he has to say it now, or saying it later will only make things more awkward. And Jesse probably needs it. Hell, anyone would need it in a terrible place like this. ]
I know it probably sounds crazy, but I-- I still care about you. I mean that. Even though you're not actually my kid, and I'm not actually your dad.
[ Because of the lingering feelings that Daniel can't erase, but.. he feels like he would've felt this way even without that. When has his heart ever not bled for a young person who's having parental trouble? ]
So.. it doesn't have to mean anything. [ He's not going to claim to be Jesse's dad, he means. ] But if you're ever having trouble in this place, or you just really need someone to talk to, and you're not sure where to turn.. You can always call out to me, alright? I'll help you out when you need it. I just-- I just want you to know that.
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But the things Daniel says aren't like anything anyone else has ever told him. Just an offer of help, no strings attached. Unconditional support of the kind he'd never had from his own parents. Horrifyingly, he feels his eyes fill with tears again, and he has to look up and away fast.
He doesn't know if he actually believes what Daniel is saying. It's easy to make promises, after all. A lot harder to actually follow through on them when push comes to shove.
But just hearing it is more than he's ever been offered. He nods, a quick jerk of his head, still looking away. ]
Yeah.
[ It's all he can manage to say. ]
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.. the reaction is better than expected though. Sure, it'd be easy to misunderstand it with the way Jesse looks away, but Daniel manages to catch a brief glimpse at his expression right before he turned away like that.
He's seen enough young people to know this isn't a bad reaction. Just.. an emotional one. And Jesse doesn't seem like the kind of person who deals with emotions like this easily.
So Daniel won't push it. He's glad for the other's acceptance of the help. That's all he needs. He feels a smile forming on his own face, picking his drink back up, trying to turn this a little more casual again before Jesse feels too embarrassed. ]
Thanks.
[ That's the only thing he says. More isn't needed - not right now.
Instead.. ]
And.. you know, maybe in return you can tell me about what places around here serve good food or something. [ Definitely a de-escalation attempt.. trying to pull this back down to something a little more casual.. It's okay, Jesse, you don't have to think too hard about how he just practically offered you free parental care!! ]
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It takes him a second, still, to collect himself, but he manages it, even looking back at Daniel with a small smile. ]
Yeah, sure.
Uh, you like, like, kebabs? There's this place a couple blocks from the boarding house. It's fuckin' - I mean, freaking amazing.
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